Why is Nickelback so bad?

11 July, 2011 § 12 Comments

Somehow, the band known as Nickelback has managed to garner at least a dozen adoring fans. How have they done this? Nobody knows. Is it Chad Kroeger’s luscious locks? His sensual, don’t-give-a-fuck voice that’s eerily similar to at least sixty other popular rock bands who debuted around the same time as Nickelback?

One thing is for certain: no matter who I’m talking to, if the discussion ends up on the topic of music, Nickelback will be mentioned. More often than not, they will be mentioned first by me. The conversations typically go something like this:

Friend: Hey Dave, what sort of music do you like?

Me: Blah, blah, blah, blah, anything but Nickelback.

Friend: Why the animosity toward Nickelback?

Me: They are the bane of the music industry. They are the scab on its knee, the wart on its chin, the long black hair growing out of the ugly mole on its neck.

While Nickelback sounds exactly the same as at least sixty other popular rock bands who debuted around the same time, they pretty much led the pack of suck as they motorcycled their way onto the scene in their ripped jeans and leather jackets, with their unkempt hair and gravelly Eddie Vedder voices. But what I really can’t stand about Nickelback – what can’t [necessarily] be said about those other sixty plus bands – is that their music doesn’t just sound the same across the board; it is the same across the board.

Without any further ado, here’s the video that inspired this post:

Edit: There’s certainly no denying that their song is catchy. You know the one, since they’re all the same anyway. Since making this post early this morning, the song has been stuck in my head all day. Such are the dangers of discussing Nickelback and their colossal cornucopia of suck.

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§ 12 Responses to Why is Nickelback so bad?

  • Sam says:

    That’s hilarious! Any time I hear a Nickelback song anywhere at all, I yell loudly to drown it out until I am able to turn it off. It’s just that bad.

  • Ah, it pains me to see Eddie Vedder’s name in any way, shape, or form related to Nickelback.

  • The truth can hurt says:

    Nickelback rock 😛
    You base your assumption on a video about 2 wholee songs…
    wow… creditable?

    • A. Dave says:

      No, I just happen to have found a video which helps clarify the point. Any time I’m listening to music on the radio (which is rare nowadays), if a Nickelback song comes on – any Nickelback song – I’ll think to myself, Oh, it’s that Nickelback song. Every single Nickelback song can easily be referred to as “that Nickelback song.”

      Friend: Hey, have you heard that Nickelback song?
      Me: That one that goes “Quiet, quiet, loud guitar, quiet, quiet, loud guitar, near silence, build up, loud guitar, quiet?”
      Friend: Yeah, that’s the one.
      Me: Regrettably, yes.

      • The truth can hurt says:

        Nope, you are just very narrow minded… like saying all classical music is the same, as they all have instruments in… oh wait… that is all music…
        Wow… Nickelback have a signature style in SOME of their songs… big deal.. or maybe like saying all Justin Beiber songs are the same, because they are all awful and cause suffering to listen to (and no, Nickelback are most definitely not painful to listen to)…

        (btw.. Nickelback is a band, so it should be “Why are Nickelback…” 🙂 )

  • A. Dave says:

    (btw.. Nickelback is a band, so it should be “Why are Nickelback…” 🙂 )

    Am I the only one who sees what you did there? Hypocritical much? Anyway, like you said, Nickelback is a band. One. Just one band. If I were to separate the members of Nickelback individually, I would use the plural form of the verb “to be,” as in “The members of Nickelback are douches.”

    You can try justifying your appreciation of Nickelback all you want, but it’s been scientifically proven that they’re a terrible band.

    • The truth can hurt says:

      Irony, gotta love it 🙂

      Or the author of this blog doesn’t know how to use grammar, and Nickelback are significantly better then current music “sensations” (like the dreaded black and beiber crew).
      It has been scientifically proven, that if I close my eyes, you cease to exist, (fundamental laws of physics), in that case, my opinion is the sole opinion, and your argument is invalid.
      Your last comment would apply if we were talking about the Jonas Brothers or some terrible band, however we are talking about a successful, band that produce incredible music.
      I could use the argument of numbers by sending you multiple links on youtube, but I would feel bad, as you deserve your opinion, even if it is very wrong. As Nickelback are known to be a good band, (and yes, for a school project, I had to do a survey (Business Studies) based on the music industry, and I included Nickelback, 87.2% of people enjoyed their music. And this included a variety of ages, backgrounds, gender as well, (about 2% less females liked Nickelback then males).
      Sorry, but I am quite sad like that, and the sample size was well over 300, surveys included handouts, emails and a few posted (limited because of cost).

      • A. Dave says:

        I just asked ten completely random people, each a different age and living in a different city/state (some in different countries). Five were male and five were female. Nine of them said your statistics are completely bogus. The tenth didn’t speak English.

        Furthermore, if you’re going to continue pointing out my possible grammatical errors, you should at least have the common courtesy to not make your own: “significantly better then current music”

  • The truth can hurt says:

    But what fun is correcting myself, when I can correct others?
    So 10 people compared to 300+… hmm..?
    Sure, why not!
    Where did you find the 10 people?
    How did you make certain they were random, and no influences effected your choice?
    And you have sidetracked, rather then trying to stick up for your original point, you are trying to find flaws in my data.
    I for one never said a random selection was chosen, instead I went for random sampling of different areas, ethnic origins, etc. (this was based in the UK and Ireland).

    • A. Dave says:

      The only point you’ve refuted with your “data” is where I sarcastically commented that Nickelback has approximately twelve fans. You seem to be of the belief that you can use other people’s personal preferences to sway my own opinion. This is called argumentum ad populum and is a common logical fallacy. Just because you claim 87.2% of the people who responded to your survey enjoy the music of Nickelback does not make them a good band.

      When it comes to my opinion, I feel I backed it up quite well enough in my original post. My opinion is that x (all songs ((which may or may not be a slight exaggeration)) sounding the same) is indicative of y (an unenjoyable band). I feel Nickelback undeniably displays x, therefore they are y. The fact that you are bothering to attack my opinion by telling me I’m wrong, when the very definition of an opinion states that one cannot be wrong, is simply ridiculous. This is why I’ve apparently sidetracked. On the issue of whether or not Nickelback play terrible music, my opinion (nor yours) will not be swayed. That being said, there is no point in furthering that argument and instead I choose to focus on syntax. That’s what it seemed you were doing as well when you chose to focus on my grammar before I ever went off-track.

      • The truth can hurt says:

        I am not trying to sway your opinion at all..
        I am pointing out more disagree then agree…

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