The Giraffe of Despair

29 September, 2012 § Leave a comment

04 April 2003

In ’03, trees and lightning bolts were basically the same thing, just flipped.





Time Warp #1: 23 February 2004, Mexico, Road Trippin’, Booze

2 September, 2012 § Leave a comment

It was late morning, Saturday. All our bags were packed and we were ready to go.

The Cast:
Pete, Dave, Kyle C., Lauren, Rob, Travis,
Meredith, Jess, Mark, Joni, Deanna,
Jeremy (Preach), Britt, Hillary,
Becky (Becca, Rebecca, etc.), Cody, Chris, Jared, Will


We left at about 11:20, Saturday morning. Our car (Myself, Pete, Lauren, and Kyle C.) was the last to leave because we had to wait for Pete and Lauren and considering Pete was our driver, we couldn’t take off without him. I’d tell you who was in each of the other cars, but frankly, I can’t remember anyone aside from the drivers (Preach, Travis, and Chris). In any case, once Pete and Lauren arrived, we threw what little we were bringing along in the trunk and piled into Pete’s car (Lauren in the passenger seat, myself and Kyle C. in the back seat, the driver… well, Pete). We gave Carl a call and told him since he was late he could just meet us in Del Rio since we weren’t planning on stopping anywhere on the way aside from a gas station. As it turns out, Carl was unaware that he was a designated driver for the day and got pissed off and hung up on Kyle C. So we didn’t see Carl this weekend. Alas, we left the campus.

Things started out a little rocky considering the route we ended up taking was not quite the same as the route that had given us. We took a couple wrong turns before we ever left College Station. That alone and the other major wrong turn just outside College Station (the one where we turned down the wrong road and followed it about ten miles before realizing we shouldn’t have), along with the fact that we left about ten minutes after everyone else, threw us way behind everyone in the first half hour of our trip. It was okay, though, because Pete likes to drive very fast so we knew we’d catch up with the convoy eventually.

We were finally on the same road as everyone else (and, fortunately, the same road told us to be on by this point) so we started driving leisurely. We stopped for gas somewhere along 21 outside of Austin and spent five dollars on three gallons of gas (we weren’t willing to spend so much on a full tank, but it was the only gas station we could find). We drove until we found a Shell station, where I allowed Pete to use my gas card, which also allowed me time for a cigarette. Once the tank was full, we took off. Shortly thereafter, we took another wrong turn so we had to turn around. About five miles down the road, we realized that our “wrong turn” was actually the right one so we turned once again, therefore throwing us back another ten miles from everyone else.

We didn’t stop the car again until we were driving through San Antonio. Lauren had to pee, so we got off 35 and found a Chic-Fil-A for her to pee in. Once done, we found our way back to the highway. Very shortly thereafter, a gray Chevy pickup in front of us kicked up a huge chunk of the road or something and threw it into Pete’s car. We stopped on the side of the highway and got out to see what damage had been done. Before we even saw anything, a man in a Ferrari pulled over in front of us to help with whatever had happened. On the front right column, there were two huge gashes in the car caused by whatever had hit us. Pete threw his arms in the air, cursing as loudly as he could. We let him curse for a while as we climbed back in. Once the man in the Ferrari saw us getting back in the car he drove off. Pete finally got back in the car and took off. There was a long moment of silence in the car that wasn’t broken until we accidentally exited the highway and somehow got ourselves lost in a maze of highways and biways in downtown San Antonio. Ten to fifteen minutes later, we were back on the highway and again, even further back from the convoy.

Once we were out of the San Antonio traffic, Pete kicked up the speed to around 120. We sped through Hondo and Uvalde. While we were in Uvalde, we got a call from Joni (who was in Chris’ car) saying that they’d stopped at a gas station in Uvalde and just saw us go by. So we’d caught up. Finally. After we left Uvalde and were about 30 miles away from Del Rio, we were stopped by a highway patrolman who wrote on Pete’s ticket that he’d detected us going 111 miles-per-hour. At this point on our trip to Acuña, Mexico, Pete changed seats with Lauren and allowed her to drive the remainder of the way.

We finally drove into Del Rio, Texas, where we would be stopping the car and staying in a Motel 6 that night. We were on our way to the motel when we got a call from Rob saying that Travis had been pulled over somewhere in Del Rio. We decided to wait for Travis so that we could all get to the motel at the same time, so we met up with Chris and Preach and their passengers in the parking lot for the Jett Bowling Alley. Once Travis finally showed up, we hung out in the parking lot for ten minutes or so before making our way to the Motel 6.

We parked as far away from the welcoming center as we could so that Travis and Mark could go in and pay for two rooms. Once we had our rooms, we threw all our stuff in one of them and paid one of the two guys the six dollars that each of us owed for the room. It was about 6:30 and we couldn’t wait to go to Mexico, so we called the Amigo’s cab company and had them send two vans for all nineteen of us. We split ourselves up and climbed aboard the cabs. The van I ended up in already had a couple that was visiting Mexico, along with the cab driver’s son. We were still able to pile myself, Mark, Joni, Lauren, Pete, Kyle C., Rob, Chris, and Jess into the cab. Count ’em. That’s thirteen people in one van that had seats for eight people. It was a little cramped. I was crammed in the back seat between Mark and Joni, Lauren was sitting next to the couple with Kyle C. in her lap, Pete was in the passenger’s seat, the cab driver’s son was riding bitch (between the driver and the passenger), and we crammed Chris, Jess, and Rob into the trunk (no joke). Then, we were off to Acuña.


The cab driver paid the 25 cents to get us across the border, so in turn each person in the cab (excluding her son) paid her four dollars when we climbed out. There we were in Acuña, Mexico, with neon lights all around us and lines of bars on either side of the road. Our first stop was Ma Crosby’s for dinner. Genuine Mexican food. I started off the meal with a huge margarita, and once that was gone (about two minutes later) I had a piña colada. They were absolutely to die for. The chips and queso were one hundred percent delicious, and the charolitos that I had for my entree were damn near orgasmic. We took a lot of pictures during dinner, smoked a lot of cigarettes, and did a lot of dancing (there was a dance floor in front of the live band). We got our bill at the end of the meal which amounted to $202, including about $50 for gratuity. We figured we spent about $100 on alcohol and $50 on the actual meals. Ah, well. We split it up as evenly as we could without ripping people off that didn’t have more than one drink and each of us ended up paying between $10 and $15 (I was at the higher end of that spectrum, after having had tossed in fifteen dollars for my ten dollar meal, which included my drinks). So now our stomachs were full and we were ready to party.

Our first stop was at the club Up&Down, which was a multi-level bar/club (four levels) with two dance floors, two bars, slides, poles, a mechanical bull, and a “balcony” level that looked over the city. This was where we spent the majority of our time and by the end of the night I had spent a total of ten dollars at Up&Down. How? The charge at the door was ten dollars. Once paid, our hands were stamped with UV-reactive ink and the drinks were endless. We spent about thirty minutes in Up&Down before heading to Corona’s across the street, where we paid three dollars to have our hands stamped which would allow us to enter freely whenever we wanted. Once we were stamped at Corona’s we just went back to Up&Down. About two hours later, everyone was trashed. It was wild. While the place smelled like a mixture of piss, vomit, and shit, we had the time of our lives. The main floor was where the free bar was located. We could get any number of cocktails (Taquila Sunrise, Piña Colada, Rum & Coke, etc.) or Coronalitas (Coronas, but smaller) for the price of absolutely nothing at this bar. This floor also had two poles and a slide (along with a spiral staircase that was rarely used for going down, or even up in my case) that could be used to get to the “basement level,” as I called it, which was where the first dance floor was. This floor was surrounded in mirrors and was the perfect place for raunchy dancing, grinding, and practically fucking. It also turned out to be a great place for “private viewings” of girls who wanted to earn Mardi Gras beads, which I forgot to mention nearly all the guys in our party were equipped with. Most of our time early in the night was spent on this floor.

After spending a couple hours on these two floors of Up&Down, a few of us headed back over to Corona’s to see what they had in store for us. Unfortunately, it turned out the drinks at Corona’s weren’t free (which brings up the question, “Why go there, then?”) but Rob and I stayed for a little while hitting on a thirty-something woman named Liza. She was a very attractive lady, single as well, and very flirtatious (possibly because she was also quite drunk) but we decided to head back to Up&Down eventually, where we stayed for the rest of the night.

So we returned to Up&Down and decided to check out the two upper levels of the club. The first upper level was on the roof of the club and it contained another dance floor where they played primarily country music, another bar with more exotic (but not-so-free) drinks, a mechanical bull, and a stairway that led even higher up onto the roof to the “balcony level.” There was nothing on the balcony level aside from a small pavillion-like thing and a great view of the city, but it turned out to be a prime place for smoking and just hanging out with people. We danced on the roof level for a while and met a ton of people, some from Texas Tech, some from Austin, some from Corpus Christi, and other people from a lot of random places. I rode the mechanical bull for two dollars (the girls found an easy way to ride the bull for free: show the Mexican man controlling it their tits) and was thrown off after about a minute. I’d have to say that was the worst part of the night (although not actually bad, just not as great as everything else) because to this minute now I still cannot move my head forward or too the left. Other than that, though, the experience was quite superb.

An hour or so after the bull incident, I noticed Chris was sitting quite still, keeled over in a chair near the dance floor on the roof. I started really watching out for him, the minute I walked away was the minute he puked all over himself. Deanna was also starting to feel pretty bad and Will was passed out on the roof as well. After talking to a few of the guys, we decided to grab the sick and walk back to the border. Unfortunately, word didn’t get around to everyone and so not many of us left right then.

So Preach carried Will and I carried Chris about a mile and a half to the Mexico/America border where we showed our IDs and walked across. The Amigo’s cab company was right across the border so we bought one van at two dollars per person and drove back to the Motel 6. I was fortunate enough to get the passenger seat that time around with Preach as the bitch and Travis, Chris, Jared, Will, Meredith, Deanna, Cody, Britt, and Hillary crammed into the rest of the taxi. When we arrived at the Motel 6, we discovered that Jess, Kyle C., Pete, and Lauren had hitched a ride with somebody driving over the border and made it in much less time than we had. So I dropped Chris off with Lauren and Pete and headed off to Whataburger with Preach, Jared, Will (who was awake now), and Cody to get a three-in-the-morning meal. I returned from Whataburger to learn that the rooms had been split up with who was where and whatnot. It turned out I’d be rooming with Pete, Lauren, and Chris (who I’d assumed) and Rob, who’d gotten over the border with Joni and Mark the same way we had. Our other room contained Kyle C., Jess, Mark, Joni, Meredith, and Travis. Preach, Cody, Will, Jared, Britt, Hillary, and Deanna were staying with some friends that Preach met in Del Rio. If you counted, you may have noticed that one person is unaccounted-for as far as which room they would stay in for the night. Well, to this moment we’re still not sure where in the hell Rebecca stayed or how in the hell she even crossed the border, but she found us shortly before we left to head back to College Station so everything was good.

The night was a little rough for me. Chris passed out on one of our two beds, Pete and Lauren grabbed the other, and since I didn’t particularly want to sleep next to a guy that may puke on me in the middle of the night I laid down on the floor and Rob climbed into the bed next to Chris. During the night I was woken up every time Chris got up to puke. I don’t know how long it was before I even fell asleep in the first place. Needless to say, I’m still quite tired considering I haven’t really slept much (save for a five-or-so-minute nap in the car on the way home).


When everyone was awake, I woke myself up further with three cigarettes, a cup of ice, and a nice teeth-brushing session. We arranged who would be driving with who again (most of it stayed the same, except Mark would be driving Chris’ truck with Rob and Joni as passengers and Chris would ride with Travis, Jess, and Meredith. We left shortly after check-out time (noon) and while Mark somehow got way the hell in front of us after missing a stop light, we were able to stay behind Travis for the majority of the trip back, including when both cars stopped at a Wendy’s for lunch. We filled up for gas (I allowed Pete to use my Shell card once again) and then took off, both cars driving at safe speeds. Like I said, I slept for about five or six minutes during a Dave Matthew’s Band song wrapped with Lauren in her blanket in the back seat. Other than that I was awake most of the ride home. I think I may have also dozed off somewhere between San Antonio and Caldwell, because I completely missed when we drove by Austin. Travis pulled off onto a country road about fifty miles from Bryan so we followed him, thinking he may know a shortcut. It turned out Chris just needed to climb out and puke a few more times. So we sat back and watched him; Pete, Kyle C., and myself cheering for him to do it a third time in a row (which he didn’t) and Lauren burying her face in her blanket. We pulled out back onto 21 before Travis did, and we took off, losing them very shortly thereafter. Other than that, the ride back was pretty uneventful.

We finally made it back to campus, dropped Lauren off at her dorm, and then parked the car and walked with our bags back to Dunn. I dropped my stuff off, showered, went to see a play at Blocker I was required to see for both THAR110 and THAR102, smoked a cigarette, and here I am now, telling the epic tale of the Acuña, Mexico road trip.


Other things I forgot to mention:
There was a man on the balcony level at Up&Down trying to sell us cocaine.
The bathroom attendent on the main level also tried to sell us cocaine.
Upon passing Becky at one point on the main level, I grabbed her and kissed her.
I saw several pairs of boobs.
Travis and Preach were drinking on the way to Del Rio and got lost somewhere before we made it to San Antonio.
We stole a trashcan from our room in Motel 6 for Chris to take with him on the ride back.
I also took a washcloth from Motel 6.
I spoke quite a bit of Spanish throughout the night, including the following phrases:
Donde esta es la baño? (Where is the bathroom?)
Yo soy muy borracho! (I am very drunk!)
Gracias, Señor. (Thank you, Sir.)
Uno mas! (One more!)
Si. (Yes.)
No gracias. (No thank you.)
No mas! (No more!)
Muy bueno! (Very good!)
and the ever so common (especially in toasts):
Viva la Mexico!

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